Widow

i have shed tears lately

too many for death

and too few for life

but just enough for poison

dripping from the fangs

of this human viper

or that black widow

all it takes is one bite

once to feel the pain

the burning in the pit

a cry out in pain

and shame

to be violated

by spindly black legs

too thin to support such a body

so wracked with venom

to strike any that draw near

and fear

yes

fear

inching up my spine

with the little click-clack

of carapace on bone

my heart feels like stone

ceasing to beat

dropping to my feet

with my brain dripping after

after what?

a nick, a scratch, a-

that's all it takes

in the cold dawn

so cold today

like everyday

your embrace is cold

and i'm numb with venom

i don't nurse my bite

i let my skin go white

then pale blue calm

no heart for my chest

no brain for my skull

just a click-clack

up my spine

on nothing left but

my bleached white bone.

I'm pulling the trigger with my eyes tight shut

Watching you dance, I feel like a hunter

In frigid woods, stalking unknowing prey.

You catch me with a small glance of wonder.

You fall to your knees in position to pray.

How can I fight a religion that way?

With that sudden look of recognition,

Knowing I'm the type of malcontent to say

There is nothing here for me worth seeing.

An absence here of a sense of being,

No facts but possession of the helpless,

You're on the ground praying and I'm kneeing

Your senseless, blank, peaceful form in the gut.

Sights set on the small wandering deer but

I'm pulling the trigger with my eyes tight shut.

I am lost in the fray

I am lost in the fray

where heaven and hell clash

with all the fury of a thousand angels

and demons

my demons

the lights are failing

I tremble at the touch

your touch

everything my body moves for

magnetic

and that which my soul abhors

because

well, because-

toss me in a hole

and bury me quick

I'm dead

I died with Him

because humanity,

our humanity,

died

and I yearn for the dirt

platonic reunion

with its cold darkness

where I feel at home

A frigid nothingness is welcome

but instead I've got embers in my heart

and they will never go out

never

for as long as I am

buried

or alive

I'll curse my existential anxiety

the crisis

knowing what I desire most

and yet finding that this body

has another plan.

Train Home

Anxious waiting for my absent train home

I cannot stomach time wasting abroad,

Sitting beneath the train station's high dome,

Waiting for a sign from a man named God.

Shunning silent stay I begin to plod

Out of the empty lobby I make my way,

Past sullen turnstiles where many have trod,

Into frozen air with gold sun's ray

Same sun that people'd kneel before and pray.

And I chose this walk alone and wand'ring

In this day that is but only one day,

In this world that was in need of laund'ring

It's clean, washed, hung, dried and nothing means more t'me

Than this chance t'walk and be endlessly free.

Winter

Winter is but the brink of something new

In the cold silence of the ice melting

Where the wind spends its time mostly asleep

There is an absence of the drip of dew

That only exists in the space 'tween time

Th'only moment when we can truly weep

After we meet the one person called You

The infinite pause that defies it all

Beneath the lake surface of the dark deep

Swims the only being to be sound and true

It arrives with the coming spring, rebirth

Only in its arms might we find true sleep.

With but one facet of chaos incarnate

With but one facet of chaos incarnate,

In which I have half a part to play,

The moon eclipses the burning sun

Life withers and dies ,on the ground I lay

How can one man ever hope to move the moon

It grows until it is all I see,

The hopelessly pale eye of a corpse-god

Dead as the cold and barren rock can be

It is not Satan that stares down upon me,

But the empty space that awaits all

We know that the candle will go out

The coarse rope will catch us before we fall

Dangle as our body reaches in

Where trapped in ice my essence resides

Like a body in the lost arctic

It is encased and dormant where it hides

Like a temple hidden in the Amazon

The eye grows until it blurs all else

The world is nothing but silent white

Where we only choose to look at ourself

So no one can see the overwhelming sun.

In the Profound Moments

Orange explodes with slow luminosity

over the edge of the world once flat.

It is in these profound moments

of most aesthetic brilliance

that the world comes fully into focus.

The movements seem defined

in fluid, absolute grace,

but what one knows is far less

than the glowing gold's embrace.

The fire light reflects

a not so hidden passion,

which rests in flesh beneath

the passion for the skin,

the touch of reproductive beast.

In the fading light of myriad love

all to be hoped for is companion arms,

the little rest of every single moment,

a little acceptance of each other's scars

A brilliant motive,

more or less like the sun,

is the cup of life for those beyond redemption

but those gifted it all the same.

All to ask if for one chance

to make the learning all the worth it,

into something more precious than gold.

But seldom does that chance come more than once.

That is what I am told,

so do not ruin the silence

with some statement or a sound.

Let it wander chaste, unbroken

'til your own bright light is found.

Patience please in the cold of winter,

as the fire light ebbs and flickers.

To utter a name is a moment of frenzy

in the heartbeat skip of two and the same.

I wish for it more;

I pray for it or

else I'm the one to blame.

Forget the rhymes and neat ordered phrase;

forget the pride and unwarranted praise,

it belongs not to me for I, my soul, was made

by the blacksmith pounding

and heat on the brain.

The furnace glows red in the case of my heart

like the edges of a sunset.

Wrap me in a blanket,

lay with me,

don't depart.

A Trip Beyond

shout the table long

a mile or so along

to the hatter at the end

his words are a song

heard above the throng

th'table has a bend

the hatter begins to send

the rabbit waiter around

the rabbit in trend

the rabbit to fend

th'hunger-making sound

with the five legged turkey

and the beetle bread that's ground

th'texture of jerky

the table cloth was found

off the newly dead

some guy the hatter calls Fred

who was an emu racer

and I start to dread

that he's baked in th'bread

but I'm pulled t'face Her

the color of eraser

from the flow of old red wine

she starts to trace her

want tha'I embrace her

with these arms of mine

but we're caught her 'round th'table

as the hatter starts to whine

about some fable

of blonde girl one time

"she was on a trip

they say the tea she would sip

in fact it was the merlot

turkey on th'tongue tip"

he said with a hat flip

then he let it go

in a flourish and a show

floating off into th'abyss

murmuring "you know,

the wine starts to flow

and you'll maybe miss

th'rushing green place known as home

where you'd hold the girl and kiss

beneath the blue dome"

cheshire kitty hiss

at th'giggle and blush

of the flirtatious red lush

with that wide-eyed long blue stare

young girl with a crush

hatter says to hush

lays the event bare

has a story he wants t'share

from a mile across th'table

in his high backed chair

for this is his lair

"here we don't label

things as you normally would

the Cain becomes the Abel

we throw of the hood

much as we're able

in that train of speech

you sir, I will begin t'teach

just how our fine system works

think beyond your reach

like spitting-blood leach

justice done by clerks

American-Mongol Turks

common everlasting love

and similar perks

like no angry smirks

that and the above

the future becomes the past

the push will not lead to shove

your marriage will last

with that girl you love

time has ceased t'matter

for I am the Mad Hatter

I command that you, sir, live

despite mind tatter

first is the latter

and Alice, that's her,"

pointing to th'girl at my right

"hold her close, never let go"

I look her in th'eyes

if ever, I know

for the second time

or the tenth this is my fair charge

the beauty wants one trite thing

wherever in time

we are, she wants me.

Slowly Twisting Away From Your Touch

Slowly twisting away from the touch

Twenty angry pushes that we had

I contort my body in a rush

Like bird in grasp of hateful children

Vulnerable badge in its black eyes

Ripping my clothes until I’m unclad

Dripping in your black, white, cold cauldron

The very place I’ve come to despise

Sickening Love’s embrace

Immersion in the void

Losing sight of your face

Down still to the bottom

Ending in my impact

Emotionless android

Forgetting the rhythm

My body becomes slacked

Into the trap of wicked lush

I have fallen and now I’ve blacked

Out from feeling so god damn glad

Like on the first day of autumn

In this overflowing cauldron

Where my wants and needs are destroyed

Where the only thing I want dies

In the expanse of empty space

Why I Love the Sunrise

I can hardly see a thing

In the dim light trickling around the door

It’s golden like the midmorning rays

Arcing over the building tops,

Reminiscent in their warmth

Of the bodies which they light

A body is warmth and it is comfort

It is arms wrapped around another

And it is a hand caressing a face

It is also the light sliding underneath the door

Touching with its sun rays

Another with golden complexion beneath a sheet

Two rays of sun intertwined

A wave of energy

In an instant there and gone

Alighting an endless vacuum of void

There and gone

Before it was even there for a moment.

Drowning in Unreality

Grace is the air we breathe

in the blackness of the Ocean

it barely reaches down here

in the current and the flow

reading signs on the floor

at the bottom of the Ocean

with its artificial light

caught in the undertow

the weight of Gravity

my home has been in the Ocean

waiting to pull them all down

not rescued by th'rope throw

you cannot breathe down here

in the blackness of the Ocean

smothering you with my weight

refusal to let go

I know your survival

has nothing to do with th'Ocean

this place is not meant for you

that is plain and I know

this is no place for us

at the bottom of the Ocean

the need for the air is stark

am I meant to let go?

I cannot rise along with you

I'm not set to leave the Ocean

like I said it's been my home

think of me, make it so

I will let you drift up

from the bottom of the Ocean

to where your life must be lived

God willing, I'll be there soon.

I never saw it coming

I never saw it coming

the gallows twist to stare

the gently falling body

the gently falling hair

I saw her pushed this morning

for a crime she didn't do

never once was she caught crying

when caught for killing you

I never should have let her

go back to that poor home

sometime there she must have cracked

like she cracked your balding dome

I would have done it for her

for that is who I am

I would take her hanging place

I would take heaven's damn

she is turning 'round now

with a look in her eyes

in killing her they killed me

kill for Justice's lies.

A Fond Farewell

Thank you dear for the words that you gave me

And thank you dear for the words that saved me

Thank you darling for holding me at night

And thank you darling for never starting a fight

I love you beautiful for the looks you shot my way

And I love you beautiful for the things you softly say

I cherish you for always thinking of me

And I cherish you for always showing me to see

So I thank you dear-

For all the things you never did for me.

Private Lives

voices bounce in the air abound

through membrane of paper-thin walls

fuel-soaked words will set these walls aflame

before the night decides, it falls

the words float in air that surrounds

reminder that arson's to blame

flakes of fire ash

all that is left is endless shame

knowing this in my wooden chair

the echoes persist like a rash

bright red and orange like the burning sun

with plume of smoke worn as a sash

through nostrils filter burning hair

and process of things half-begun

afterimage dance

that looks quick and almost like fun

the words of end will set you free

but beg for one minuscule chance

to be given a look of knowing

one thoughtful, second, heartfelt glance

they speak, they scream, they call to me

with fervor and anger growing

the air shakes with it

I have a habit of knowing

when the words come tumbling down

from fuel can in the chair that sits

dripping on to the singed, carpet floor

rolling over with seizure fits

fluttering white of a nightgown

broken hinges of a room's door

the winged bird calls

with embers burning at the core

Second Attempt

ten thousand broken people

with ten thousand broken hearts

so many things left unsaid

so many unstarted starts

I am here as old as time

and you are newborn red

we are from two different places

and they still want me dead

you have so much left to learn

you have those empty spaces

there are no feelings still to feel

but life's lingering traces

broken, worn, battered, and all

I made a costly deal

to rid myself of holes and loss

it just took souls to steal

remorse is so uncommon

bleeding gums from razor floss

I accept what I have done

No matter the time or cost

peace comes, a moment's respite

an instant where I won

victory sours, vinegar and wine

at the thought of what is done

murky waters of my thoughts

only sad gaze in mine

glass orbs casting putrid green glow

a corpse stands as a sign

it warned all those passing by

of the hard undertow

the pull and yank of words and danger

from shore it's a stone's throw

most continue deeper still

until they meet a stranger

a man with no body parts

a man from a straw manger

5.41

in the cast-out gatherings of a somber generation

our family is what surrounds us

the barrel fires

the fire is my kin

the fire is our family

and the town towers, a whispering of an empty space

holes where homes were

holes where homes are not

but we will fill the holes with brick and mud

cement and rock

and other nerveless things

the demolishing of my home

I severed my feelings

because numbness is easy

numbness is something that doesn't exist

numbness is not there

and no amount of kindred fire

will burn some feeling into these useless limbs

no amount of fire will rebuild a home

in fact,

it will only incinerate all the more

more homes lost, more lives turned to ash and rubble

keep the numbness and the holes

wear them proud, your badge of honor

a beacon of the art the world has made

name

something stopped me walking

today

it was a voice calling my

name

and turning I expected to see

a human face

attached to the human sound

but there was no one there

no one I knew

crowded streets full

of nameless faces

and none of them viewed me

differently

so I took it to mean

that a familiar friend

was somewhere close by

in the crowd

hidden from my view must be

the source of the sound

I raced the current of moving

bodies

through voices of hundreds

warranting looks of confusion

distrust disdain

until I met my name

a name is just a word

a name is not identity

a name is but a nothing-speech

and the name I heard

and the person I saw

Had nothing to do with me

take a step on the life-giving sun

take a step on the life-giving sun

before the day's begun

and solemnly swear on lawn chair

that the only option is not to run

it won't kill you to have some fun

that's a dare

pick up your bag and toss your hair

fake a look of un-

caring and really you do care

from the moment you learned to share

when vindictive nun

bent down, smacked you, said "listen son,"

"I'll tell you what's fair-

it's life at the end of a gun-

in an empty nothing below the desert sun."

Sweating Cup

sweating cup

wandering eyes

over the table

they hit a surprise

sunrise

out there

through the glass

between salt shakers

people pass

at last

sun breaks the veil

peel my face from table top

with tooth and nail

as the day sets sail

Freedom

I've been waiting on this bench for years

through the seasons and the sun

In failing light

just hanging by a spool

Ripping the fabric of the world

with red throes of prolonged death

I am dying

in the arms of nothing

The strings on branches of trees above

the puppeteer casts me 'bout

I am dying

here by Time's will alone

And drip, drip goes the last of my thoughts

dew drops from branches so high

In failing light

reflection caught inside

Twilight, hello friend of the between

been waiting for my day t'come

In failing light

with puppet strings chafing

For your little giggle and bouncing

step, pretty eyes, matching dress

I am dying

before your hapless stare

Please, those hapless eyes are mine alone

they shone in the dying light

I am dying

my little light's passing

As you cut off my constricting strings

drop me from this little tree

In failing light

hold me in th'sun alone.

Let's go diving

take a dive into the blue

Freedom, lifting and falling

with the tonal melodies of Mother Nature

there is darkness below

but I bask in the light

high above infinity,

for drowning

has lost its meaning

sometime back there

in a time that was once a tomorrow

now, Peace whispers as the current rolls

in and out of my heart with

the force of a tidal wave

it's all to hope that this feeling

never ends

it is everything to Be

then tomorrow's here

time to begin again

as I dry off

and pull away

from the clear blue of your eyes.